As we enter into the “holiday season” (Halloween to Thanksgiving to December holidays to New Years, etc…) you may notice that you are eating more than your body might need.
And another familiar thought might come in. Starting in January I’ll begin my diet.
Well you know what I say, “Kick dieting to the curb.” And you might be saying the same thing. Yet you are used to this pattern, this way of being. This is how you know yourself. As the person who struggles with food and then diets.
I know I was quite comfortable to being that women. The one who overate, the women who binged, the women who talked about wanting to lose weight with her friends, the women who was always on a diet, the women who reported what she ate to her friends every moment she could, the women who worried what others would think about her body, the women who was scared to put on her skinny jeans because if it wasn’t a skinny day then the whole day would be horrible, the women who knew herself by her body and what she ate.
I mean who would I be if I didn’t obsess about all those things?
If I weren’t trying to loose weight what would I try to do?
If I weren’t always on a diet, what could I eat? I was too scared to trust my inner wisdom. If I wasn’t thinking about what I ate during the day and what I would eat later in the day what would I think about? Who would my friends be? I was known as the girl who talked about her body and what diet she was on- that’s who I was.
Are you wondering- how do you change that cycle.
I’d like you to take a moment and notice how this story speaks to you personally. You might not have the exact same story but if you can identify something with in that resonates try to bring that up now.
Now notice is there is a longing? A longing for something else to
emerge. I remember when I could FEEL something else inside knocking on the door. I thought I just wanted to be thin; I wanted to be comfortable with food and once I found the RIGHT diet all would be great. But when I listened deeper, the voice inside had a different message. It said; “ You want to be free from dieting, free from focusing your life around what size you are. You wanted FOOD FREEDOM. BODY FREEDOM.”
When I heard this voice I had a memory. Many years earlier, when I was 20 years old, I had an experience with my inner voice.
At the time Geneen’s Roth was my food guru. In one of her books she said listen to what your body wants and just eat that. I was freaked out because when I check inside all my body told me was ice cream. ICE CREAM! No way. But I did it. I ate ice cream for 3 days. I cried every night thinking, this is nuts I’m going to get SO fat.
But then, I’ll never forget this. The 4th morning I woke up and the first thought in my head was tuna fish sandwich. HUH? I dismissed it as I jumped into the shower. The voice came back, tuna fish sandwich. After about an hour of this I decided to listen and went and got a tuna fish sandwich. Nothing ever tasted so good.
Later that day a voice said salad.
Not trusting it again I ignored it until louder and louder it spoke to me,
I ate a salad.
This was my first glimpse of my inner (food) voice.
But I had no other guidance, support or knowledge and as much as I loved what Geneen had written I just couldn’t keep it up alone. I didn’t trust it. Quickly I started asking my girlfriends, “What diet are you doing?” and jumped on board with someone else’s thinking.
Years went by and here I was again on the diet/body rollercoaster ride. My deep wisdom moment was fast and fleeting. But one thing stayed. That seed that wanted to emerge. It didn’t die. It kept knocking and now the voice was even clearer and I was still listening.
And I started to listen.
It led me to learn to study how food healed my body, to yoga and to meditation.
What I started to realize was this: it wasn’t about learning something new it was about UNLEARNING everything I had been taught and instead learn to listen to myself.
Now the rubber would meet the road. Could I actually practice this new way of life? Would it be another 3 days of ice cream? What if the ice cream urge never went away? I mean, even though I had all these great influences I was still eating a whole box of cereal and cookies every night.
Was it really going to change?
I decided to try again. I started making small steps. And I mean SMALL.
I was scared. As I started to trust that voice I actually gained a bit of weight. Yet the funny thing was, I didn’t care. I felt better. I knew the inner guide was leading me down the right path.
Then I knew something had shifted when a yoga student said to me, “Ya know what I love about you as a yoga teacher darshana?” I said, “No” and waited eagerly to here what she would say.
Her response, “You don’t have a yoga body. You are full figured and round.” She smiled.
The old me would of freaked out and starved myself for weeks but the new me laughed and realized that the world is obsessed with bodies and if I could be role model in the yoga world by NOT having “a yoga body” then I was really doing my job and fulfilling my purpose in life.
And that’s when I realized that my identity was changing.
I was no longer the woman who obsessed about her weight.
More and more stories like the yoga student one started happening.
When I couldn’t fit into my skinny jeans, it didn’t matter. If I saw pictures of myself I didn’t first check out how thin I looked. And the biggest one was feeling the rolls on my belly and starting to love them.
Then ironically I actually started to loose weight.
I didn’t go on a diet, I didn’t starve myself, I didn’t even try.
I just did my daily practice. I cooked for myself, I practiced yoga and mediation, I was loving my work, friends and community and mostly I started to love myself, no matter what I looked or felt like.
I thought it might be scary to loose my identity but it has actually had the opposite affect. I feel free. FINALLY MY FOOD AND BODY FREEDOM all because I went on the IDENTITY DIET.
What about you?
I’d love to hear your comments below.
If you are interested in learning more I have two workshops coming up
The Skinny on Fat:
Surviving the Holidays without Overeating
DECEMBER 2nd, 2012
1:00pm – 5:00pm at Yoga Tree Mission
21 Days to Food Freedom
A cleanse for women ready to kick their crazy cravings to the curb.
January 2013. January 12, 19 & 26, 2013
See Yoga Tree Website to register
HERE’S TO YOUR FOOD FREEDOM!
Darshana Weill is a Food Freedom Coach and yoga teacher. She founded 21days Food Freedom Program and the Kiss Emotional Eating Goodbye Program. She teaches women to use consciousness in their relationship to food. She works with individuals and groups. She also teaches a variety of health related workshops around the Bay Area, Santa Cruz and nationally.
WORKSHOPS DARSHANA TEACHES AT THE YOGA TREE
21 Days to Food Freedom, The Yoga of Food: How is life feeding you?Nutrition 101, Sugar can be Medicine, Women’s Wellness: Treat PMS Naturally, To Be or Not To Be a Vegetarian and Yoga and Food For Emotional Eating.
To find out more about Darshana’s program
FINDING FOOD FREEDOM
Check out www.darshanaweill.com or
To contact Darshana directly call 510-423-0603 or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org
Want more recipes? Check out Darshana’s 50 quick and easy recipes Ecookbook: http://darshanaweill.com/page/cookbook-1