I was drawn to the Daily Love Enter the Heart Tour with Mastin Kipp and Senior Kundalini Teacher Sat Siri at Yoga Tree because it promised to connect me to my heart, something I’ve been struggling to do my entire life.
I’ve always been in head.
I’m one of those “good students” and people who “like school.” It always just made sense to me, fit with my brain and my personality. I got how it works, and I got good grades. I thrived in the security that logic and theory create, the straight-forward and uncomplicated path of academia.
But something was never quite right.
While my brain was thriving, in my heart was longing for more. I am a seeker, although I didn’t know what that was until recently. From a young age I was reading self-help books in secret, ashamed that I had this strong desire to know myself more. Whenever I was faced with a decision that involved preference or desire, it was like I shut down. I didn’t know what I wanted, and it was excruciating. I used my brain to make pro-con lists, and followed the traditional path laid out for me – college, grad school, career.
A few years into my successful and rewarding career, I felt stuck. I knew there was something more but I didn’t know what “it” was. But I stayed for another two years because I felt like I had no clue what else I would do, was guilty for leaving what seemed like the perfect job, and thought it was completely irresponsible to leave a job without another one lined up. I kept searching outside myself for the answer, and relying on my intellect to guide me. I got nowhere.
I finally hit a breaking point and quit my job without a clue of what I was going to do next. I realized I couldn’t think my way through it anymore – I had to do something. I “retired” and dedicated the next several months to digging deep and finding my purpose. I did Yoga Tree’s teacher training. I read 30 books. I figured out my core desired feelings using Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map. I took classes. I journaled. I (intermittently) meditated.
While my efforts were well-intentioned, they were misguided: I was trying to get into my heart using my brain.
I made forward strides and my intuition strengthened, but I still felt like I was missing that strong, clear connection to my inner knowing. It was painful because I finally fully believed all the answers I needed were within me, but I still struggled to access them. It was a tease!
But last week, I found that connection I was searching for at The Daily Love Enter the Heart workshop.
I’ve done several trainings at Yoga Tree, and they are usually quite and reverent, ribbons of sage flowing through the air. When I walked into the Potrero Studio last Wednesday night it sounded like a night club – loud pop music playing. It was jarring (I thought “is this an LA thing?”) but at the same time it was refreshing because it felt so different – it was so full of energy
After an introduction, Sat Siri led us through an hour-long Kundalini practice. It was the second time I’ve done Kundalini and I was struck how it moves the energy around and challenges you in a way that is different than asana. It gets into your ways of dealing with discomfort on an energetic level. (I’m writing a post all about Kundalini next week, get ready for it!)
For the next four hours, Mastin led us through lecture and exercises to understand fear and connect to the heart. He talked about how fear is natural and useful – a survival response that can keep us alive. But when we have an unhealthy relationship to it by developing patterns and habits to avoid it, we create circumstance in our life that we are unhappy with.
By far the most powerful exercise for me was Mastin’s Kipp Heart Therapy. I was so blissed out from the Kundalini and my brain was warped from the lecture I’m not sure I completely remember how we got there. Mastin guided us through a meditation on our heartbeat. Once we were tuned in, he had us ask our heart what yes feels like.
I was shocked. I felt an immediate sensation in my body before my brain was even done asking the question.
There it was, what I had been searching for all along – my inner voice. All this time I thought my heart would sound like my mind – a voice in my head. But instead, it’s a feeling in my body.
I’m not going to lie. Right now my heart and I can’t really have a conversation because it can only give me a yes/no response. But it’s so deeply reassuring to have that instant connection. I’m committing to answering at least one question from my heart daily, and I know with time I’ll be able to hear her more clearly. Mastin says he’s now at a point where he’s tapped into his heart all the time. What would the world be like if we all lived like that?
The Enter the Heart Tour is touring the globe – sign up immediately if there’s one near you. If you want to learn more about Mastin, check out The Daily Love – his newsletter and online courses are great resources for tapping into your purpose and connecting to your heart.